I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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