Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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