I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
