Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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