he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
