I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
