Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well you can't waste a boner
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
