Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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