i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
