Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
