He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
