You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
