My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
