If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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