even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
