Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
