you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
