we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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