you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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