I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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