1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
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idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
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Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.