I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions