only if we run a train.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
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woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.