I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap