I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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