She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
