making cat noises will not fix the situation.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize