How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
