no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
