I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
