He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
