it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
