When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
