oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
