You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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