I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
