I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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