i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
