So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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