So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
