so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
