Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
