$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
