The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
