I wish I could punch you in the face.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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