Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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