While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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