Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
