she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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