So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My dick has a subreddit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
