he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
