Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
