Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
