So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
two words...techno handjob
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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