just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
