Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
