You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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