It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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