She's like a pop up book from hell.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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