He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
