First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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