Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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