you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Did I show you my penis last night?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
