Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
