So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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