Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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