Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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