you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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