You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
