do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
