Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
