She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
