There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
