So drunk, too bad you don't want this
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
