tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
