Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
