he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
